Due to superhuman effort, superincredible strategies, and supernatural incantations, I have turned huge piles filling my townhouse basement–so huge that you can’t walk down there–into:

huger piles that reach to the ceiling.

But now you can walk around down there, in small structured paths. It’s like the warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

I know you are all very proud of me.

As I go through these items in the basement, know that all of your birthday presents in the next year will be unique and thoughtful (ahem).